I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
