Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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