I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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