dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
