sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
