I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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