Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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