Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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