Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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