I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Don't make out with my wife yet
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We left an ass print on the piano.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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