arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
