woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
