He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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