Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
