Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
