its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
