I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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