I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
