I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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