Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
