When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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