Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
the liver wants what the liver wants
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
