I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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