My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
