She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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