I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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