i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
