im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
