My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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