I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
