My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
