Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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