I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
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