I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
