I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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