I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
