Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I puked a lego.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
