do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
