the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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