you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
