Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
