this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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