I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
