Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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