All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
