I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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