WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
