Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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