last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
