so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
